Do women create confusions in their love lives or is the world just unjust to them? Jake Butler shares his opinion on why women are so fickle in love.
Through many years of my dating life, if there’s one thing I've noticed more often than others, it’s how fickle women in love are.
Now it’s not just my life I’m talking about, it’s all around me.
Women love fairy tales, chick flicks and romance in their lives. But yet, they create such messy Gordian knots of love that they end up hurting others and themselves along the way.
Men and their love life
Looking into a man’s mind, he doesn't really ask for much.
Even the greatest of guys are rather happy with their relationship. They spend evenings and weekends together with their girlfriend, and life is just perfect.
If there’s ever a circumstance of infidelity among men, in almost all cases, men cheat for two reasons.
They cheat using their bigger head, when they’re frustrated with their girlfriend for some reason or the other.
Or they cheat with their little head when they meet an attractive woman and the chemistry is intense.
It’s easy to understand a man’s mind. We like keeping it simple and easy. Men may not be gifted with the complex creative dimensions in love that women can boast of, but men are pretty content with what goes on in their mind.
And that makes it really easy for men to get caught with their pants around their ankles. All because men are too darn predictable.
Women, on the other hand, are a lot more complex to understand and predict. But their lives are way more complicated anyways!
Why are women so fickle in love?
I was in college when I got into a serious relationship for the first time. The relationship lasted about a year, but that ride of love was the craziest I've even been in, and I've still not been able to understand that relationship.
She was my first girlfriend and I was her first boyfriend. We started dating and exploring all that love had to offer within the first few months. We were happy, until she met a new group of friends. Soon she started partying hard, would avoid me more often, and would spend more time with her new friends and other new guys she would meet.
A few months later, she started getting cranky and moody, would party all night long with her new friends and pretty much behave like a confused idiot the next day!
One day, she would kiss me tenderly and say I’m the nicest guy on earth and she’s lucky to have me. Another day, she would treat me indifferently. And on some other days, she’d tell me she needs to stay away from me because she was going through some crap in her life. [Read: What to do when you like a friend]
Whew! I just couldn’t understand what the heck was up with her. Eventually, we ended up breaking up and making up every other day. She would break up with me, and come running back into my arms a few days later saying how much she needed me and how wrong she was to let me go. But all said and done, a confusing year later, I had to walk away for good. She was causing more damage to me than good. [Read:How to know if it is love or lust]
She pursued me on and off for a few months, but I knew the cycle pretty well to fall back into that trap of confusions. But to this day, I can’t understand why she just couldn't make up her mind about what kind of a life she really wanted! I mean, really, if she really wants to party and meet new guys and get Ziggy with them, stick to your plan and leave me out of your life!
Was that immaturity or was that a woman’s complex love brain going into overdrive?
Do women think of love as an all-you-can-eat buffet?
Now I’m not generalizing that all women are fickle in love. But there are a lot more fickle-in-love women out there than there are men who think along those lines. And any smooth talking man who gets the attention of women can vouch for this. And a smart Casanova knows how easy it is to play to a woman’s emotions and trick her into an easy fling!
It’s far easier to convince a woman that she’s in a bad relationship than it is to convince a man of the same. Men listen to their own feelings, women listen to everything else but their feelings. They listen to other people’s feelings.
Tell a girl she deserves someone better than her boyfriend, and she’ll think about it. Tell a guy he deserves someone better than his girlfriend, and he’ll just nod his head and forget about it!
The main problem, at least from my perspective, is that women are actually far more shallow when it comes to love than men. Women like the attention and care that their boyfriend gives them. And as the months or years pass, and some other charming smooth talker gives them a little more attention and adds a few long phone conversations and extravagant gifts into the recipe, they can’t help but feel a surge of affection towards this new guy who makes them feel all warm, fuzzy and happy inside. [Read: Flirty text messages]
They like having their steady boyfriend, but at the same time, they really don’t want to miss out on the affection and the attention of the new charming guy! Now, several women may deny this, but put them in a similar situation and they’ll surprise themselves. Women are suckers for affection. If any smooth guy knows how to strike when the iron is hot, it’s pretty hard for a girl to resist his charm.
Really, if that isn't an all-you-can-eat buffet kind of love, what is?
Are women more prone to having affairs than men?
Women don’t like giving a name to these kinds of special relationships. They recognize the fuzzy feelings, the sexual thoughts in bed, and the affection they feel for someone else, but they’ll never give this strange relationship a real name. By calling it an affair, they’re accepting that they’re cheating, either emotionally or physically. And they would never want to stoop that low. Instead, it’s so much simpler to just have a happy time with their own boyfriend and have a few special moments with someone else too, without worrying about what to call the relationship.
Fickle love and the confusions
Most women may not realize this, but you can’t really be in love with two people or try to hog the affection of two men, unless you’re in a happy menage a trios.
If you’re being secretive about it, at some point, you’re going to start comparing them with each other. And that starts all the confusions and the pain. And the worst part of all this, your partner will experience the same pain because you can’t make up your mind, and he can’t understand why you’re being so moody. [Read: Is he the one for you?]
And even when you make up your mind and decide that one man is better and more affectionate than the other, a week later or after a little fight, you’re bound to change your mind again. And at other times, you may have confusing conflicts every few hours. So why not just make up your mind and stick to it “for better or for worse”?
Is it a woman’s fault?
Now we can’t entirely blame women for this behavior. I just think it’s a trait in women that just can’t change. They always think they deserve better than the guy they’re with at any point of time. They assume they’re way better and can get any better guy if they ever wanted, and when a presumably better guy walks into their lives and showers them with affection, their instincts kick in and it reassures them that they deserve better than their own boyfriend.
So why are women so fickle in love? Perhaps, women do love a lot of drama in their lives. And being fickle in love is just one small part of the drama they constantly crave for that much needed satisfying and troubled sleep at night.
The author, Jake Butler, is a serial dater and chivalrous stealer of girlfriends, and looks forward to changing his ways when he meets a woman who can incomparably be happy with him. Which he claims, will never happen!
Shubham Gupta
