How to Let Go of a Relationship That’s Bad

At times, a relationship can do more harm than good for you. Recognize the signs and understand how to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you.

Relationships are always a happy experience.

Well, until things start to go bad.

That’s when a beautiful relationship can actually bring your life to a standstill and trick you into a world of complications and pain.

Are you in a relationship where you’re not experiencing the happiness you think you deserve?

If you think it, there’s a good chance that it’s true.

How to let go of a relationship

The funny thing about relationships is that it’s all in your head.

A relationship is over when you think it’s over.

If you’re not as happy as you think you should be in a relationship, you should let go even if you still love that person.

It’s that simple really.

You’re not being selfish. You’re doing both of you a favour.

It’s always better to let go of a bad relationship than hold on when you see no happiness at the end of the tunnel.

[Read: Signs of a good relationship]

The 9 steps to let go of love

If you want to understand the different ways to let go of a relationship, use these nine steps and follow the way.

#1 Why should it end? Do you really know why your relationship should end? If you want to let go of someone you love, you have to understand the real reasons behind why you think your relationship is making you unhappy.

#2 Can you fix it? Are you giving it your all to make the relationship work? If you’re in a relationship where you’re doing all the work while your partner is just coasting along on the ride, that’s never a good sign. If you are willing to take a chance, give your relationship one last chance to fix it.

#3 Don’t force love. Don’t try too hard to bring the old romance back. It’s not worth it. Love should be effortless and mutual, and even if you try to force it, it’ll just slip away again, causing you more pain.

#4 Is it love or fear? Why are you holding on to a relationship where you see no future in it? Ask yourself why you’re holding on even now, are you still in love or are you just afraid of being single again?

#5 Work your courage. Breaking up is not easy. And it takes courage to make a decision that can make such a big change in your life. All of us love stability in our lives, even if it’s a bad life. But just because you’re getting used to a certain routine doesn't mean it’s a good thing for you.

#6 Brace yourself. Prepare yourself for the pain and the loneliness after breaking up, especially if you still have a soft corner for this person. Taking a chance to face loneliness is one of the hardest things you can do. But you’ll never really know what life has in store for you unless you take that step in the dark.

#7 Accept your decision completely. Unless you’re convinced about your decision, it’ll only leave you confused and sad. Write a list of reasons on a piece of paper and look at it now and then, until you’re completely convinced so you don’t regret it or backtrack on your words again.

#8 There is no easy way out. If you’re sure you don’t want to be in a relationship with your lover, you have to learn to face the end. Don’t get drunk or isolate yourself, and try squirming out of the impending breakup.

#9 End the relationship. Once you’re sure you have the strength to let go of the relationship, learn to end it the right way using the conversation examples in the last step.

Letting go of a relationship can seem very difficult when you look your partner in the eye for that final conversation, but as soon as you speak up and walk away from your new ex, you’ll feel a heavy burden lift itself off your chest.

When should you let go of a relationship?

There are different reasons to let go of a relationship and walk away. Here are 10 reasons why a relationship may be doomed to failure and pain. And if you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms, perhaps it’s time to end your romance.

#1 You’re convinced that you can never have a happy ending.

#2 It’s a complicated relationship.

#3 You think you’re way better than your partner and deserve someone who treats you better.

#4 You don’t respect your partner or your partner doesn't respect you.

#5 Your partner constantly cheats on you, even after getting caught.

#6 You’re being taken for granted by your lover.

#7 There’s no focus on your life and your wants in the relationship.

#8 When you’re not ready for the relationship and the commitments it requires.

#9 You don’t trust your partner anymore.

#10 If you’re constantly frustrated and you don’t know why.

After letting go of the one you love

Prepare yourself for what could happen after you let go of the relationship.

You may meet someone who loves you and treats you better. You may be happier than you could ever imagine.

On the other hand, your lover too may date someone else, may spread rumors or even stalk you. Think of possible future scenarios and work your own solutions to how you would want to handle it. It’s always better to be prepared for anything the world throws at you after you let go of the relationship.

If you make a conscious effort to get over it, you can. Learn to walk away and the rest of your life will sort itself out.

Should you date your partner again after breaking up once?

If you ever find yourself having second thoughts about getting back with your ex again, try to weigh the pros and cons. Remind yourself of the reasons for breaking up and ask yourself if you’re ready to face those same frustrations all over again.

If you feel like ending a relationship because it’s draining the happiness out of your life, remember these tips on how to let go of a relationship to help you walk away happier and lead a better life.

Read More»

Stages of Pregnancy – A Mother’s Experience

Those nine months with a stork on the way is an experience that no mother can ever forget. Within the womb of a pretty young mum-to-be is a life that is being nurtured in a tiny corner of her tummy. Read this mother’s experience during the different stages of her pregnancy.

Click here to Read the Introduction:  Understanding Love and Conscience

New mums are asked to be cautious and a lot of do’s and don’ts are suggested to them. But every new mother’s experiences are unique and special. Here is how it went for Rhea, a new mum.

Month One: I don’t feel like I’m pregnant. Everything feels normal, but I do feel like there’s something in my tummy. I get tired easily, and do get an occasional cramp in my stomach. I’ve started craving for sweets and just can’t stop eating cakes and pastries.

Month Two: I’ve been told that I might have symptoms of morning sickness, but I haven’t had any of it yet. Strong flavors put me off, especially shampoos and perfumes. My nose is sharper and the sense of smell is more acute. I feel a little depressed at times, and feel bloated.

Month Three: I feel queasy at times, and my stomach seems to have swollen up just a little bit. I feel even more bloated and feel like I’m full of water. I feel tight all over, like I’m filling up with air at times. I’m depressed at times, and just don’t look good in my clothes anymore.

Month Four: People have started noticing the baby bump, and I’m being congratulated everywhere I go. I feel great, and my skin has started glowing. I feel very restless and go out often. I’m happy, and also very, very hungry. For the first time, I feel like I’m eating for two people, and that makes me more happy!

Month Five: My stomach’s got really big, and I have difficulties sleeping at night, and find it even more difficult to turn around. My bump’s pretty big and obvious now. I eat like there’s no tomorrow, and love all kinds of food other than meat! I feel like puking each time I smell steaks. I’m still very happy, but famished by afternoon.

Month Six: I spend hours in front of the mirror watching my little baby grow. I’m still hungry, and I've started to feel like a baby walrus each time I walk around. I have difficulty stopping and moving. My trips to the kitchen have increased, and I’m eating so much I’m shocked myself. I’m hungry every hour. I am now officially addicted to chocolates, and eat several bars of rich chocolates every day.

Month Seven: Okay, now I’m getting pissed off. I can’t get off the bed easily, and I can’t move walk around for long. My husband laughs each time he sees me try to get off the bed, but that pisses me off all the more. Every mundane task has become difficult, and my entire body aches all the time. I find myself feeling breathless most of the time, and that scares me. But other than that, life’s still good.

Month Eight: I’m big now. And the baby’s really heavy. I can’t move around much and spend most of the time in bed. My body hurts all the time, especially by back. My skin feels oily and my face is lumpy. I don’t feel pretty, and I think I’m starting to get pimples. Loads of them! Aargh, now I’m pissed.

Month Nine: I’m big, clumsy and irritable all the time. My acne has gone from mild to terrible in a week. My face is covered with acne, and so is my back. I want to eat, but I can’t each much because I have no “stomach-space” left. I feel tired and breathless, and just want the baby out of me! Well, I’m still happy though!

And then there was… my baby!

I gave birth four days before the due date to a beautiful baby girl. And as I held that little bundle of joy in my hands, all of those nine months where she was nestled in my tummy came rushing into my mind.

And I knew right then, it was so worth it!

Click here to Read the Introduction: The Art of Storytelling in a Relationship

Read More»

Understanding Love and Conscience

Why are humans so complicated? Why do we fall in and out of love, and why is it that nothing is ever our own fault? In life, we always try to look for excuses to blame someone else, be it in our love lives or at work.

Why can’t we just understand that at times, our losses and mistakes may be the consequence of our own wrongdoings and faults?

“It is impossible to fall out of love, love is such a powerful emotion that once it envelopes you, it does not depart.”

I am a writer if that’s what you call someone who can pen their thoughts on paper. Or these days, on a white screen with a flashing cursor. But I’m a reader too, and I read more than I write. I read a lot, and my interests solidify in phases. Since the past month or so, I’ve found myself roused by murder mysteries. What I have quoted above is a quotation which I read somewhere at the phase when I was into romantic novels. And it is a wonder that I haven’t forgotten it yet.

Isn’t it incredible that we never forget something about love? I’m quite certain you remember your heart tugging moments too. I bet you even remember if your sweet first love had a mole on their chin. As surprising as it may seem, we never forget our love interests. Not after a decade. And not after a century, if you ever live that long.

You may feign forgetfulness, but in reality, the thought of a loved one always lingers inside our heads, waiting to magically recreate itself in moments of solitude. That’s probably because love or the feeling of falling in love is something that isn’t impressed upon you by circumstances. You ‘choose’ to feel it. You choose to strike the romantic chord that harmonizes you and brings you bliss, in a manner that a thousand words would never be able to explain.

Almost all relationships that exist outside the boundary of true love are purely ‘need-based’. You like someone a lot because they’re fun to be with. You want to hook up with someone, because they’re just smoking hot. Or you hug someone and speak about anything that comes to your mind because you need comforting. All of these people who come into your life can be forgotten. And they will be. So will that little crush of yours, back in seventh grade.

No one can force you to choose the one you love. Try recollecting the early days during the spring of your love. Everything was so warm and sappy, the flowers looked so romantic and the clouds so blue, and more blah. Your lines were so corny and stupid, and you loved stupid baby talk. But even that didn’t make you feel stupid! Your whole existence revolved around your sweetheart. Those long phone calls late into the night, moments when both of you just wanted to hold on to the phone and listen to each other breathing, and other mushy things that you now overlook or feel quite unnecessary. Your love evoked and insinuated you into what seemed like a web of magical imagery.

It’s so perfect, isn’t it? Love. Recollecting even the way our lips move when we pronounce that word seems to bring joy into our lives. Life can’t get any better than that, can it? But then it can. Because most of us feel that our relationship with our loved one can be inadequate at times. That’s alright, even two peas in a pod come with their own issues and differences. But at times, our love can feel really inadequate, like we’re holding on to something futile, like trying to carry fine sand or water in our palms. But then, why do we have to feel that?

We live in a world of binary oppositions. We recognize darkness, because we can discern light. If there were no light in this world, how could we identify its alter-ego? With the same gist, we are familiar with hatred because we know love. We are acquainted with infidelity because we recognize loyalty. These are abstract terms and their meaning comes with the tendency to defer. Words are such an unreliable medium to convey the idea. Everyone reads the same plot and they decode it to their liking. With that thought in my mind, I have to ponder if there is anything that can be clearly defined, or explained.

We can’t decipher the exclusive meaning and can only attempt to swig a trace out of it. We live in this world according to the ‘pleasure’ principle. We denote the occurrences which give us pleasure as affirmatives. The occurrences that make us uncomfortable are depressing to us, like darkness. Infidelity makes us uncomfortable and love elates us. So we refer to them according to the pleasure principle.

According to Saussure, the profound philosopher and philologist, everything in the world has a binary opposition except humans. Can you claim that someone is perfectly bad or wholly good?  We are but a mixture of both, waiting to pull out a sheaf of our good and bad side by turns, as and when we want it. Good and Evil reside within us. Within us is a conspiracy that never rears its head, but sniffs the air in deep rasping gasps, waiting for the perfect opportunity.

But how many of us would accept that we have the devil within us? All of us just want Mr. God to hang out in that special place within us, the same one we call a heart. No one ever does anything wrong, they just commit a mistake, even if’s its cheating on a partner. And no one ever commits a mistake, they just did the right thing, or what they felt was right at that time. And if there are no excuses, the circumstances get the blame. Think about it, is anything ever your fault?

Wrong acts always come with excuses and reasons. Right acts come with gloating egos and self-reflecting praises.

Click here to continue reading: Should you feel Guilty about Cheating?

Read More»

Is it your Fault you Cheated?

Is it your own fault that you cheated, or is it because of your partner’s behavior or the circumstances? Should you tell your partner that you cheated on them? Understand how the mind works when we cheat, and learn how you can deal with the guilt.

Click here to read the introduction: Should you feel Guilty about Cheating?

Say you were on a vacation. Alone, without your partner. A hypothetical situation. Of course, now really! And then you have the hottest celebrity on whom you've had a crush on since forever, who’s got to share your room for some weird contorted dreamy reason.

And then, here comes the best part, you’re all smitten by that gorgeous person, and the feeling is mutual. The minutes tick to hours, and the wine and champagne flow from the heavens, the mood music hits a crescendo, and the lights dim into orgasmic splendor.

What would you do? Two things to think about here. You know that making out with this person would be so awesome you would never be able to forget it. Two, no one in the world would ever know it happened. What would you do?

Say what you want, I know what’s going to happen anyways. I’m a filthy hypocrite, yes. So are you. But I wouldn't use guilt laced with liquor or tears to wash my sorrows away.

Temptation is all around us. And it’s alright to fall prey to it sometimes. Alright, yes. Justifiable, no. But we’re all wrong when we go blaming others for our misfortunes. We just want to unload all our issues on some unsuspecting person, or our partner in crime, just to get away from reality. The reality that we screwed up. Literally and very enjoyably.

Our world is directed forward by the pleasure principle. And we sometimes lose focus of what we want and what we get. When we think we've screwed up, we go all out with our guns blazing, and we pretend like it’s not our fault. And soon, the mask of pretend grows so strong, that we actually start to believe that we never did anything wrong.

We convince ourselves to believe that it was all because of the circumstances. We definitely would never have done anything wrong had circumstances been any different. We’re just a part of a hypocrisy that screams “No!” but would rather hope for a lust laden “Yes!” preferably in high monotone, with bed breaking and glass shattering consequences.

Guilt hits us where it hurts and we know when we feel guilty. But it’s very uncomfortable to just accept our faults when we do something wrong. We want the cake. We want to eat it too. Of course, if we can’t eat it, then why the heck would we want it? Whoever came up with that proverb anyways?

We make contradictory arguments all the time. Just to protect ourselves. We believe that our lover wouldn't be able to handle our little flirty accident, so we hide it from them. Of course, you’re hiding it only because you care. That makes you guilty, the fact that you’re hiding it from your partner. What happened to the deed? Why do you feel bad that you’re hiding a secret? Why on earth aren't you bothered that you just banged someone else? In reality, the fact that you made out with someone else doesn't affect you, you obviously enjoyed sleeping with another cutie. What hurts you is the guilt that you associate with that act.

The only thing that bothers you is that you may hurt your mate, and break their poor little innocent heart. Is that the problem? No! Not one bit, you’re all just worried that your mate might do the doggie with someone else, just to notch up the same points on the bedpost. And that would hurt you. And that would make you so sad. You don’t want that, do you? You just want to be happy.

When we draw excuses and reasons out of thin air, we’re not doing anything about owning up. There’s no mea culpa, and accepting our own faults. We've been manufactured and modified throughout our formative years to become the perfect idea of a moral citizen. But the irony here is that none of us are even remotely close to that idea. So where are we getting at here?

We've all lost our sense of responsibility. We’re prejudiced to blame than accept. We have to understand that it’s alright to give in to our carnal desires. Not good. Not advisable. But acceptable. But stop blaming your mate or the circumstances. Hide it if you think it’s a safer bet, or if you don’t want your mate to hunt on fresh mating ground just to get back at you. Stop trying to make yourself believe that you’re the good one, living in an impure world, surrounded by impure circumstances and fate playing a game of fornication with you.

Why did you have to go fornicate with the decorator? It was probably because your mate just wasn't good enough, after all these years. But don’t worry, your secret’s safe. You aren't alone in this guilt-free world. All of us are in it together, and when one of us cheat on our partners, we always have a reason to rid us of guilt and fault-finding, all the way from “I kissed someone else by accident” to “I’m bored of making out with the same person”.

It doesn't matter if you’re trying to tell your partner or tell yourself. As long as you can get rid of that heavy baggage of guilt, you’d be perfectly fine. So what should you do, tell your partner or keep a secret? Quite frankly, it doesn't even matter, because all that matters is the guilt. If you can tell a friend or yourself, and convince yourself that it wasn't entirely your own fault, you’d be fine. And if that doesn't work, go ahead and tell your partner, because that would be the final step. After all, if your partner forgives you for cheating, there’s no reason to be feeling guilty, is there? Well, until that day when you cheat again.

And about cheating in the first place? Of course, it isn't your fault at all, sweetheart. How can it ever be, especially when you’re so darn perfect! And so guilt-free.

Read More»

Should you feel Guilty about Cheating?

Why do we feel guilty after cheating on our husband or wife? Is it right to feel guilty or wonder why the circumstances led you to having an affair? Understanding why you cheated and accepting it is the best foot forward.

I can recollect an incident that happened recently, one that involves a good friend of mine. She called and wanted to come over. A few minutes into the conversation, and she huddled closer to me, and with a wet nose, told me about how she made a big mistake and spent a night with a man, someone who wasn't her guy.

Apparently, she told me that they had gone out for a drink and to shake a leg, and things just went from handshakes to holding hands to hold-what-you-can.

I put my arms around her and told her not to think much about it, and that it was history (though I didn't tell her that history has a good way of repeating itself now and then). An hour later, she seemed to be feeling a lot better.

We chatted a bit, and she decided to take off. We hugged at the door and she gave me a big grin and waved. “Thank you so much, Laura, God knows how guilty I was feeling until you made me feel better…”

What?! Now that upset me. When did guilt creep into the picture? Was she here with me, only to reassure herself that she was the wounded and shattered one in the picture? She came to me to be reassured that what she did was nothing wrong, and it was all a mistake!

But at which point was that a mistake? She was with that guy for the whole night, and probably days before the inevitable and awaited incident. How could she not have seen what was coming? She had mentioned that she was lost in a haze and didn't know what was happening until it was too late, until the deed was done. I had accepted that statement quietly.

But pretending like she’s this lost puppy who didn't know what was going on, on her own body, and oblivious to everything that was happening all around her, and then calling it a mistake?! That was moronic stupidity, or a lame throw at redemption.

For all the words that she wasted on talking about her true love, her guy and how much she loved him, and how bad a mistake that incident was, she was and is still thinking about no one but herself. She was being, aptly put, selfish. She was tempted to know what it would feel like, to explore opportunities outside the relationship. She wanted to taste the proverbial forbidden fruit. She apparently hadn't given in all these years, while she was going out with her guy, but then, the hopes of orgasms galore and the temptations abound had her knees buckling.

She could call that encounter whatever she wants, temporary amnesia, or carnal mind block, or whatever the heck she wants to call it. But she was being nothing but selfish, and she didn't care about anyone but herself. And the worst part of it all, she was lying to herself, convincing herself that the lie was the eternal truth. And the best part for her, it worked!

She never gave a thought about anything but her feelings, and her stint at redemption. She was being self-centered, but hey, what’s wrong with that? We’re all self-centered people, who care about nothing but our own happiness. History has shown us enough to ratify that claim.

But the nagging issue that’s gnawing my head is the fact that she’s selfish, and she has no idea about it. She’d get back into the arms of her lover, shower him with more love, and remind herself over and over again that it wasn't her fault. She was just a mute spectator in an unrealistic overwhelming event that involved her unwilling and confused body. But think twice about this, was she a sweet doe stuck in a trap unforeseen by her and foreseen by fate, or was she just playing to the tune of her carnal desires?

What she’s done isn't a bad thing. But the fact that it’s so easy to blame circumstances instead of oneself is beyond blood-curdling, it’s the proof of a conscience that doesn't work within the realm of purity anymore. What would you do if you were in her place? Or just about any place where fornication can penetrate and seep in without anyone’s notice, but yours. It would be your little secret, your little hideaway bang. What would you do?

Click here to continue reading: Is it your Fault you Cheated?

Read More»

The Different Kinds of Regret

There are many kinds of regret, and along with the if-only thought, any kind of regret will only stop you from progressing and living a better life. Find out the different types of regret and how you can deal with it.

Click here to read the introduction: How to Overcome Regret

The Angst and Anger Mixture

Regret comes with a package. It is a mixture of grief and anger. You break up, you’re angry that you’re the dumped one or the one that’s alone, and you regret ever having gone out with someone. You blame fate, why on earth did it happen to just you. Why the heck were you handpicked for all this torture?

And then we blame ourselves. If we wouldn't have done that, things wouldn't have turned out this way. And lastly, we put the blame on everyone and everything around us. The whole world is conspiring against us. But seriously, what do we gain from these thoughts? Zilch. Absolutely nothing.

When you really want to come out of the misery, you will have to work rationally on it. Separate the anger and the grief. These are two different components, and unless you are willing to see them as two different entities, you won’t be able to come out of your regret. Try to figure out what causes the anger, as only you can do it. And prune the causes, so that you are not hurt again by the same things. You can make your anger subside by not repeating the same mistake again. Remember, anger gives you more reasons to regret. And unless you want to spend all your life regretting, do not make the anger cloud your rational thinking.

Babysitting the Grief

Sorrow is natural. All of us grieve. We grieve when we lose something, someone, when our dreams are shattered and for many other reasons. I remember a story that I heard when I was three, but it’s still imprinted in my memory as if I heard it yesterday. Perhaps you've heard it too.

The story is about a woman who comes to Lord Buddha with her deceased child and asks Him to bring him back to life. The Lord told her that he would do that if she brings a handful of mustard from a house in which nobody has died. Needless to say, the woman was unable to. Need I narrate the moral of the anecdote? You are not alone, so stop feeling like you’re being picked on as a guinea pig for grief.

Click here to read the introduction: How to Handle Regret

The Dream Catch

When your dreams are shattered, what can you do? You wanted to become an astronaut. So you couldn't do that. Cruel fate, isn't it? But your life didn't end there, did it? You’re still alive, and it’s because, as cliched as it seems, your work here hasn't finished. Try to know your real motive. Why did you want to be an astronaut? Because of the fame or because you wanted to hang out in free space? It’s all about figuring the actual reasons behind your motive. Try to analyze your dreams and start afresh. Take regret out of the picture, and you just might end up happy!

Anger Management

Like grief and regret, anger too is a natural act. All of us get angry at one point or the other in our life. But if all you see is red, all the time, it’s time you contemplate over it. What is your anger telling you? A few years ago, I was always angry and for no reason at all. Everyone around me could see the distinct change in my behavior, and some even suggested professional help. After a lot of issues and tantrums later, I figured out what was bothering me.

I just wasn't able to spend quality time with my spouse, and that made me feel guilty. And that guilt had turned into frustrating anger. But instead of overcoming it, I was making it worse. But I didn't drown myself in a sea of guilt. I tried making use of every moment which I spent with him. A few months later, I was promoted and didn't have to spend the extra time at the office. Sometimes, you just need to find the root of all your issues, and you might just realize that your own frustrations in life are actually the culprit when it comes to making you feel worse.

Respect Love

Have you ever regretted any move that you made for your loved one? I haven’t, and I doubt if you have. Remember the day when you had to skip work, because you had to help your partner who wasn't feeling all that well? You don’t regret it, because it felt good to be there and look after your loved one. But it isn't always easy all the time. The path on which you are a heading may be tricky, laid with anxiety, uneasiness and fear. It pounds at your heart. You would want success but would dread the risks. Your impulse to champion the oppressed might compete with panic for your own sorry hide. Don’t fear when you are heading towards love because you will never regret it.

In life, it’s easy to force anger inwards or at others because of your own regrets. And it’s easier to sink in so deep that you’d lose all your confidence and never find your way back to the happy life. But take a step back and reflect. Understand the reason behind your regrets, and you’ll know when to call on regret as a motivator that will forcefully remind you not to make choices that will leave you sorry. And for that, you need to make an amalgam of grieved losses, reclaimed dreams and articulated anger.

And until then, just learn to let go.

Read More»

How to Handle Regret

Regret can affect us in many ways, but as long as you know how to deal with it and handle it, you’ll always have a happy life free of anger, rage and misery. Find out how you can eliminate regret from your life.

Click here to read the introduction: How to Overcome Regret?

Regret is inevitable. But it doesn't have to take us to the negative zone, and hit us right between the eyes. There are two types of regret, one, which holds us back and makes us wallow in self pity, and the other, the good one, which makes sure we don’t lock horns with the same deal again.

You should be worried if regret is your constant companion or even if it creeps within you once in a while leaving you in a dark mood and forcing you to deal with oscillating frequent mood-swings. All of us frequently experience the urge to run away to a place where there is no regret. Have you ever noticed that when you shed tears, you feel refreshed the next day? Tears wash away all our woes. Same is the case with regret.

When you regret, it leaves you stronger and at the same time, more vulnerable. But generally, we take being strong as being bitter and familiarity with an unstoppable resilience. And we are left with many unanswerable questions and with culpability.

The whole point here is that regret can be your worst enemy or your best friend. It all depends on how you treat it and what you want.

Categorizing the Evil

How can you figure the kind of guilt that’s nagging you, is it the good one or the bad one? The answer lies in the fact that regret is destructive only when we chose to make it destructive. There is no good or bad regret. We live in the present and we somehow never regret the present, the two time zones that we ponder over and grieve in are the past and the future. Generally, and more precisely, it is the past that gnaws us. What often goes unnoticed is the powerful energy of regret.

As stated earlier, we grieve and regret over the past. But what is the past? This isn’t a grammatical question for which you need to search your old stack of high-school language manuscripts. It is a memoir, a psychological story. Literally, regret doesn’t exist. Mea culpa exists only in a mental state. If there were any means to change the past, who would have regrets? Inexorably, these emotions creep into our mind. So, is there any way we can change the sting of regret into happy vaccination syringes. Well, we can’t change the past, but we can transform the way we think of the past. We can try to get regret to work as a stalwart protector instead of working as a diseasing virus. Try these steps.

The “If Only” Disease

“If only I could do that”. This one is shoddier than your zit which has a unique way of popping up on thanksgiving or a wedding. We’ve all been through this “if only” phase and sadly it has never worked. It has always left the person drained emotionally and with a bitter mood for days. A friend of mine, who was dumped by her boyfriend never got another one because she thought it was her fault that he left her and regretted it to the point of obsession. Everyone other than her knew that the break-up was not her fault, and that some guys just want to play the field. Many of us think along these lines, “if only I had done (blah), (blah) wouldn’t have happened”. But it did.

We all know that the past cannot be changed. If it could be, it wouldn't be called the past. Of course, we understand that regret, at times, is unbearable. But you can’t go back and change what has happened. Grieve but don’t well up in it. Regret, but not unproductively. The “if only” regret is unproductive and would not give you any output.

Click here to continue reading: The Different Kinds of Regret

Read More»

How to Overcome Regret?

Regret is a powerful emotion that can break you and make your lose all your confidence from within. But once you learn to control and overcome your grief and regret, you’ll see that this world can be a great place to live in.

While going through a frayed, yellow novel, I paused a while to reflect on the bit that I was reading. No, it wasn't a steamy coiling and uncoiling of the hero guy and the lead chick, nor was it a nail biting scene in which the murderer was revealed.

It was a scenario in which a regret-stricken friend of the protagonist, when his wife leaves him, out of his drunken habit, drowns himself in alcohol and finally dies. Before his death, in quite the typical old novel style, he apologizes to his ex-wife. His ex-wife, who was still in love with her drunken husband regrets her moving out and “realizes” that if she wouldn’t have moved out of the house, her husband wouldn’t have died.

Why do I care, considering it was just a side-plot of a boring novel I was reading. It was boring. I should have chucked the novel back into the attic, instead of wasting the four hours on that book. I regret having spent my precious time on that book, when there were a million other things that I could rather have done. You’ve been there, haven’t you? At that point when you do something and wish you hadn’t. All of us feel that. And all of us just hope we had magical time turners so we could erase and rewrite our history. So we get to the big zit of emotions here, Regret.

What have you regretted about recently?

You regret that you are not able to spend quality time with your spouse?

You regret that you are not handling your children well?

You regret that you are not doing justice to your job?

You regret that you forgot your best friend’s birthday?

You regret that your dog died out of neglect?

You regret that you misbehaved at last night’s party, in which you drank like a fish?

It may be one of these, or anything else. But regret is inevitable.

A very strong statement to make, I know. But tell me, have you ever seen a person who has never ever regretted any of their moves.

A Dead Past

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves, regret for the past and fear of the future.” – Fulton Oursler

Regret symbolizes the negative memories. The word ‘regret’ comes from the Old French word ‘regretted’ which means “bewail the dead”. Of all the negative emotions, regret is one of the most difficult to extricate as regret indicates, by definition, those actions of the past that we are unable to be change. The underlying factor is that regret cannot change the past, it only keep our mind locked within the past. The grieving is one of the greatest reasons for holding us back.

Regret sounds sweet in the drawling country ballads and often leaves us wiping our wet cheeks. But in reality, regret is the one thing that can turn us into something that walks around, but doesn’t exist, let alone live.

Click here to continue reading: How to Handle Regret

Read More»

The Art of Storytelling in a Relationship

Storytelling isn't just a kid’s pastime. It’s a deal maker in a perfect relationship. Learn more about the art of perfect storytelling with these tips.

Perfect stories are so beautiful, aren't they?

A great story is an easy escape into a fairy tale where all the problems can vanish with a song, every dark hour is nothing but a weak moment, and perfect endings are only pages away.

I have a confession to make here.

Every time I watch an animation movie, I look forward to a perfect setting.

And nothing makes me feel happier than hearing those beautiful words right at the beginning of a movie, a reassuring voice that starts off by saying “Once upon a time…”

The very first time I watch a movie like Shrek, my mind drifts away into peaceful serenity and no matter what happens next, I can almost be certain that I’d love the rest of the movie.

And that’s because the storytellers behind the movie knew just what it takes to captivate its audience.

And that’s a beautiful story narrated in a perfect way.

Understanding the art of storytelling

Storytelling makes for great fairy tales, but what about in real life, and what about in our relationships?

Learning the art of storytelling can improve communication in a relationship and make the relationship a lot more exciting.

Most couples who don’t know how to tell a story the right way end up as bored couples who don’t have anything interesting to talk with each other. After all, if your partner can’t say something in an interesting way, there’s no fun in listening to it, is there?

Learning the art of storytelling

Storytelling doesn't always have to revolve around far fetched stories. In a relationship, the art of storytelling is the art of communication. How you explain something to your partner makes the difference between an interesting lover and a boring one.

When you talk about anything at all with your lover, always try to express what you have to say from your partner’s point of view. Your partner has no idea about what you intend to say. So when you say something, start right from the very beginning even though you already know the exciting end of the story.

Don’t ever jump details or leave your partner confused midway. By rushing through your anecdote or skipping interesting details, you’d end up boring your partner in no time, or your partner would just be waiting for you to finish the story so they can do something more important.

The right way to share your experiences in life

Explaining something to your partner by going into the details makes the story more interesting and fun to listen to. After all, by explaining it well, you aren't just saying what you did, you’re involving your partner into the experience you just had.

Instead of just trying to convey an idea, try to make it interesting and exciting to the person who’s listening to it.

In a relationship, when you learn to look at your own life from your partner’s perspective, you’d start to make your partner feel involved in everything you do. And when you do that, every conversation both of you have will start to feel alive and exciting.

And even if both of you have to spend a long weekend with each other, you don’t have to worry about awkward silences or bored moments where both of you are sitting away from each other, doing your own things just to keep yourselves occupied.

Storytelling and your love life

Storytelling in romance can be used in more ways than just to talk about each other’s day. You can involve it in everything you do together. It makes everything more exciting, be it talking about the future, being romantic with each other, fantasizing sexually in bed or even sharing old memories.

Have you ever come across couples who say they can’t spend more than a few hours with each other at a stretch because they don’t know what to talk about?

In all probability, they’re the ones that don’t know the art of storytelling. Learn to express yourself the right way, taking time to help your partner understand your mind clearly, and both of you will have a perfectly happy relationship.

Confrontations and storytelling

One of the better aspects of storytelling is the way you can use it confront problems in your relationship. Instead of confronting each other or starting an argument, you can use storytelling to express how you feel without ever making your expression seem confrontational.

If you have a problem with your partner’s behavior, casually talk about another person who shares the same annoying trait that your partner has. Never make your partner realize that you’re indirectly talking about your own lives. By explaining what you have in mind about that particular behavior from a third person’s point of view, your partner would be more willing to listen to you and try to understand what you have to say from your point of view. By making the story interesting and expressing your mind clearly, your partner would understand your mind better without feeling like they’re being picked on or confronted.

Say, if your partner was very lazy, talk about another friend of yours who’s lazy. By doing that, instead of confronting your partner and getting into an argument, you can help them understand your view without pointing a finger at them.

Another great way to use the art of storytelling in a confrontation is by talking about another couple’s relationship problem. Explain the other couple’s story in detail and ask your partner how they think the couple should have handled it, and share your own opinions too. By explaining each other’s points of view on how to handle a situation, both of you will be able to communicate and understand each other better.

Build your own fairy tale

Storytelling is the perfect way to weave stories that will keep the relationship exciting and fun. It makes every moment both of you spend together more interesting.

Every now and then, talk about the future of the relationship and imagine how both of you would spend your lives together years from now. It’ll definitely be funny and worth a romantic laugh. And most importantly, it’ll help both of you build a better emotional connection with each other.

7 things to remember while storytelling

The art of storytelling takes time to master. But as long as you remember these key points, you should find it a lot easier to create perfect stories even out of the most boring of circumstances.

#1 Start fresh. Always look at the picture as a blank slate with nothing on it. When you say anything to your partner or anyone else, you need to remember that they have no idea what you’re talking about.

#2 Be vivid. Go into the details and create an interesting picture for your partner to see. Explain the scenario first so they can mentally see the picture you’re talking about. It always makes a story seem much more interesting.

#3 Have the time for it. Storytelling isn't something you can use all the time. In a relationship, it’s a romantic art that brings both of you closer. But at the same time, explaining something in the form of a story takes time. So if both of you are in a hurry, avoid storytelling. You’ll just end up sounding irritable.

#4 Be interesting. Make the story interesting. You don’t need to add a good dose of white lies to it, but depending on your partner’s likes and dislikes, emphasize on aspects that your partner would love to hear more about.

#5 Help your partner relate to it. Unless you can help your partner relate to what you have in mind, what you say will always end up boring your partner. Think from your partner’s perspective and try to visualize it from their point of view when you say something.

#6 Expressions. Words are only half the conversation. The other half that completes a great conversation is your expressions. Be expressive while trying to say something and make sure you gesticulate too.

#7 Let your excitement show. Excitement is contagious. So if you feel excited to share what you have in mind, make sure you let your excitement and enthusiasm show. It’ll help your partner feel what you’re feeling at the moment and experience your story better.

The next time you read a fairy tale, pay attention and you’ll realize what makes it so interesting. After all, a story is only as good as the way it’s expressed. And storytelling is a beautiful art, one that can make everything you say exciting, interesting and just beautiful!

Read More»