Is it your own fault that you cheated, or is it because of your partner’s behavior or the circumstances? Should you tell your partner that you cheated on them? Understand how the mind works when we cheat, and learn how you can deal with the guilt.
Say you were on a vacation. Alone, without your partner. A hypothetical situation. Of course, now really! And then you have the hottest celebrity on whom you've had a crush on since forever, who’s got to share your room for some weird contorted dreamy reason.
And then, here comes the best part, you’re all smitten by that gorgeous person, and the feeling is mutual. The minutes tick to hours, and the wine and champagne flow from the heavens, the mood music hits a crescendo, and the lights dim into orgasmic splendor.
What would you do? Two things to think about here. You know that making out with this person would be so awesome you would never be able to forget it. Two, no one in the world would ever know it happened. What would you do?
Say what you want, I know what’s going to happen anyways. I’m a filthy hypocrite, yes. So are you. But I wouldn't use guilt laced with liquor or tears to wash my sorrows away.
Temptation is all around us. And it’s alright to fall prey to it sometimes. Alright, yes. Justifiable, no. But we’re all wrong when we go blaming others for our misfortunes. We just want to unload all our issues on some unsuspecting person, or our partner in crime, just to get away from reality. The reality that we screwed up. Literally and very enjoyably.
Our world is directed forward by the pleasure principle. And we sometimes lose focus of what we want and what we get. When we think we've screwed up, we go all out with our guns blazing, and we pretend like it’s not our fault. And soon, the mask of pretend grows so strong, that we actually start to believe that we never did anything wrong.
We convince ourselves to believe that it was all because of the circumstances. We definitely would never have done anything wrong had circumstances been any different. We’re just a part of a hypocrisy that screams “No!” but would rather hope for a lust laden “Yes!” preferably in high monotone, with bed breaking and glass shattering consequences.
Guilt hits us where it hurts and we know when we feel guilty. But it’s very uncomfortable to just accept our faults when we do something wrong. We want the cake. We want to eat it too. Of course, if we can’t eat it, then why the heck would we want it? Whoever came up with that proverb anyways?
We make contradictory arguments all the time. Just to protect ourselves. We believe that our lover wouldn't be able to handle our little flirty accident, so we hide it from them. Of course, you’re hiding it only because you care. That makes you guilty, the fact that you’re hiding it from your partner. What happened to the deed? Why do you feel bad that you’re hiding a secret? Why on earth aren't you bothered that you just banged someone else? In reality, the fact that you made out with someone else doesn't affect you, you obviously enjoyed sleeping with another cutie. What hurts you is the guilt that you associate with that act.
The only thing that bothers you is that you may hurt your mate, and break their poor little innocent heart. Is that the problem? No! Not one bit, you’re all just worried that your mate might do the doggie with someone else, just to notch up the same points on the bedpost. And that would hurt you. And that would make you so sad. You don’t want that, do you? You just want to be happy.
When we draw excuses and reasons out of thin air, we’re not doing anything about owning up. There’s no mea culpa, and accepting our own faults. We've been manufactured and modified throughout our formative years to become the perfect idea of a moral citizen. But the irony here is that none of us are even remotely close to that idea. So where are we getting at here?
We've all lost our sense of responsibility. We’re prejudiced to blame than accept. We have to understand that it’s alright to give in to our carnal desires. Not good. Not advisable. But acceptable. But stop blaming your mate or the circumstances. Hide it if you think it’s a safer bet, or if you don’t want your mate to hunt on fresh mating ground just to get back at you. Stop trying to make yourself believe that you’re the good one, living in an impure world, surrounded by impure circumstances and fate playing a game of fornication with you.
Why did you have to go fornicate with the decorator? It was probably because your mate just wasn't good enough, after all these years. But don’t worry, your secret’s safe. You aren't alone in this guilt-free world. All of us are in it together, and when one of us cheat on our partners, we always have a reason to rid us of guilt and fault-finding, all the way from “I kissed someone else by accident” to “I’m bored of making out with the same person”.
It doesn't matter if you’re trying to tell your partner or tell yourself. As long as you can get rid of that heavy baggage of guilt, you’d be perfectly fine. So what should you do, tell your partner or keep a secret? Quite frankly, it doesn't even matter, because all that matters is the guilt. If you can tell a friend or yourself, and convince yourself that it wasn't entirely your own fault, you’d be fine. And if that doesn't work, go ahead and tell your partner, because that would be the final step. After all, if your partner forgives you for cheating, there’s no reason to be feeling guilty, is there? Well, until that day when you cheat again.
And about cheating in the first place? Of course, it isn't your fault at all, sweetheart. How can it ever be, especially when you’re so darn perfect! And so guilt-free.
Shubham Gupta
